Confessions of a former Black Metal Degenerate, Part I, II, III & IV
When I was 17 I was lost in this world. The Berlin Wall had fallen, my hope for a big cleansing WWIII was crushed. You might argue that I was wrong, that WWIII was still possible, but back then my hope was crushed. Since age 12 I had waited for it, prepared for it and made preparations for it. I did not want to live in the world as it was. On the other side, all my normie friends "grew up" and instead of playing RPGs with me they focused on their education. So I had nothing.
That is, I had started to play the guitars, by chance really, and when not preparing for WWIII or playing RPGs with my friends, I played the guitars – on my own, in my room. So what I had left was the guitars…
Of course I was a fool, and as much as I don't like to admit it, I was ignorant and stupid – but not least without any guidance. Without any direction. The direction I had sent myself into, WWIII, failed. Let's be honest though: teenagers are ignorant and stupid, and they need guidance.
You can think differently today, and you are right; today teenagers don't need to be stupid, ignorant and without guidance. The "Red Pill" is right here, online, and we can all take it. They can easily find positive guidance if they want to. It's one click away from them.
But it was not like that when I was a teenager. We had no internet. We had no positive adults willing to guide us in the right direction. We had only TV and other MSM, the school system and our Baby Boomer parents. Dissident voices did not exist in the public. No dissident publications. No alternative media whatsoever. Not even in the form of slogans spray painted on walls. Our Baby Boomer parents only worked and worked, in order to be able to buy all the "stuff" that the "progressive" world was able to produce (more and more in China).
When we were instinctively attracted to something positive, we were reprimanded. We were "corrected" and sent another way. And perhaps most importantly: we were led to believe that we were alone in our dissidence, if we were there. Nobody else were like us. Nobody else had the same thoughts. Or so they wanted us to think.
I was 17 and angry, understanding at least already that WWII had been a disaster for the entire world, that the world I grew up in was rotten to the core and heading for disaster. But all I saw around me was normies working hard to become a part of the system that was destroying everything worthwhile. Yeah, it was depressing. So I was angry, but also sad. I had no reason to have any hope.
The only "dissidents" I saw were metal heads in the area. And they were few and far in between. But they existed, and I guess the 17 year old me hoped that perhaps they would share some of my ideas? Or maybe I just had nothing else and followed the one direction I had left in life: playing the guitars.
I joined a thrash metal band, Old Funeral, about to change their style into death metal as I joined. Not because of me, mind you, but because that was the direction "extreme metal" was taking at the time. Personally I had not even heard about death metal before.
What really happened at that point was that I joined a group of people that I had basically nothing in common with. Well, we liked some of the same music, but that was it. The others were either older, from 20 to 21, I think, or in the case of two of them, my age. 17.
Harald, Jørn-Inge, Padden, Tore & Olve. Later on we socialized with a few other older guys, Jim and Are. That was the entire "metal" scene. Well, other metal bands existed in Bergen, but we had nothing to do with them. Harald and Tore corresponded with some others in the "underground scene of metal" in Norway and abroad, but I thought little of that at the time.
Initially, I "tried" my opinions on them, shared my thoughts and ideas, but they were either rejected, ridiculed or ignored. They had not been preparing for WWIII, for sure. They did not find my explosives, rifles and ammo any interesting whatsoever. They did not feel that the world was going the wrong way.
I faded, but another "me" grew. I came under the influence of older guys who nourished other ideas in me — a young and impressionable boy after all. The idea that playing music in a band, and making a living from it was possible, was born in me. Before I had not bothered with such ideas. I was not interested. I had other goals.
This is how it began for me. This was the beginning of my fall. This is how I came under the influence of absolute degenerates and sank into the cesspool known as "The Norwegian Black Metal scene".
By the time I turned 18 the metal scene internationally was shit, and things were going the wrong way there too. Every single band sounded the same, looked the same, said the same and even tried to look, sound and say the same. Death metal had become absolutely pathetic. A joke. Trend.
I can add, today, that it had because death metal had become popular, and this is what happens to all popular culture, but… I didn't understand that at the time.
So Harald and I drove to meet one of the guys Harald corresponded with in the "metal underground". Another dissatisfied guy in the Oslo area. Øystein of Mayhem.
We visited him in Ski. He was even older than Harald and one of the veterans of the metal underground in Norway. He fuelled our dissatisfaction with the death metal scene further. But he had different motives for his dissatisfaction… He claimed the bands weren't "true". They were not true to the ideas of extreme metal.
In hindsight I understand that he was simply jealous of the success of the many death metal bands. Kids younger than him, doing better than him. His band was a complete failure. They didn't even rehearse. The drummer was "screwing" metal chicks in Oslo. The bassist was "smoking pot with his girlfriend" somewhere else. The vocalist was sitting in his room all day, doing nothing. At the same time, others were signed to big companies and did great.
Like I said, we didn't understand this at the time. Our dissatisfaction was with the music itself, with the fact that all bands started to sound the same, look the same and say the same. Death metal had lost all originality.
But we were influenced by Øystein. He was older and had the status of being a veteran in the metal underground. With time we were convinced by his arguments. We adopted his opinions. We too started to attack the death metal bands, for not being "true" to the idea of extreme metal. We tried to like the bands he presented as "true" (but yeah, most of the time failed to…). We tried to look like he wanted metal guys to look. We were shaped by him.
Yes, I was 18 years old, and I should have known better. But I failed. And I admit that I failed. And regret it.
From age 17 I started to fall, because I came under the influence of older guys with poor judgement, and from the age of 18 I fall much father and faster. I came under the influence of an absolute degenerate loser, Øystein of Mayhem. I will go as far as to compare it to cancer growing inside of you, only this cancer was growing in the mind.
From age 18 to 19 I allowed this to happen because I didn't know any better, because I was weak, impressionable and ignorant – and not least inexperienced. The mind cancer grew and grew, and I lost more and more of my quality. I became more and more degenerate myself. Hateful. Depressed. Reckless. Destructive.
But at one point I woke up. On my own. Yes, I had none to wake me up. None to guide me away from this shit. But I woke up myself. Starting in the second half of 1992. It was a gradual process though. It didn't happen overnight. But it did happen. I shook off his influence. I rid myself of more and more of his ideas. I purified my mind. I became better.
I also started to wake others up…
Yes, this was the reason why he wanted to "get rid of" me. I undermined him, his promotion of degeneracy, his lies and his status.
But that is another story, already discussed elsewhere. Today I wish to focus on something else, namely the MSM's misuse of me to promote his ideas. To promote degeneracy. To promote what I rejected!
Yes, this is the reason why I feel such a strong need to distance myself from Black Metal! All the bad things of that scene is being projected unto me, when in reality I was the one rejecting this, revolting against it and I even killed the source for this most extreme degeneracy!
I promoted the degeneracy only because I came under his influence, only because I was young, weak and impressionable. I ended in a conflict with him because I – starting in 1992 – rejected and revolted against this. I did because I grew older, stronger and less impressionable! And now – decades later – I am being misused by MSM to promote his degeneracy!
Well, I cannot tell you why, because if I do I break the law. It is against the law to tell the truth about them. This is all I will say about that for now.
I got rid of that mind cancer. I want to promote something good and positive. But "strong forces" don't want me too. They want to drag us all into their cesspool. They want us all to suffer from the mind cancer they are suffering from, from birth, and they slander me and misuse for that. But we don't need to. We can be better.
So please help me promote something better. Help me wake others too up. That's all.